- WOMAN: Elevator sex. - MAN: What?
WOMAN: Elevator sex!
It's like the mile-high club.
Anything over 50 floors and you've got a minute-plus.
Oh, a minute! Oh, that should be plenty of time.
You need to go in wanting it.
Which is why you've been talking dirty to me
ever since we got here this morning.
And how did you greet me this morning?
Said you looked hot in that skirt.
Mmm. And hotter out of it.
- Never said that. - You're safe anyway.
This building doesn't have 50 floors.
I'm relieved to hear it.
Now or never.
[ whispers ] Ooh, you are a bad, bad girl.
That's what you love about me.
Mmm, no. I don't.
I love your calmness in a crisis...
...and your organisational skills
and your sense of humour.
Obviously we'll do the entertaining in the bar
but we'll do the presentation in here.
With plasma screens for the overflow.
Do you know what it'll cost me to close this place for a night?
We want to hire the girls to serve food and beer.
- Provided they agree. - Of course.
They're not waitresses, Tessa. They're not 17 bucks an hour.
We'd pay their normal rates. We've done it before.
That was on a yacht. That was small and exclusive.
What's your budget?
You do your figures and tell me what you want.
So, what exactly are you launching?
A boutique beer.
- In a brothel. - Yeah.
It's establishing a point of difference.
This beer is sexy and hot.
Well, according to the campaign, anyway.
Just what Australia needs - a new beer!
Still, that's not our problem. The client's always right.
Happy in our work, are we?
Pardon?
We're as busy as hell and I'm short of girls.
OK, I work in advertising and I know they call us sluts but...
Are you serious?
Why not? You'd make a lot more money.
Of course. Why didn't I think of that?
You're single, aren't you?
Pass.
Anything else?
Well, probably I'd display the product in here.
I might just make a quick mud map.
Mm-hm. Sketch away.
I'll be in the office.
And if you change your mind...
She thinks you're a slut.
I think I was the one that used that word.
Well, I think you're a slut.
That's nice.
Out of the blue she asks you to work in a brothel.
What do you think that means?
I don't know.
Maybe she knows you better than you know yourself.
I go to bed with a clear conscience.
You go to bed with anyone.
[ phone rings ]
Sean? Are you here?
[ mutters ] Lazy shit.
Take a message! [ sighs ]
He's not here!
Hello. This is Sean's phone.
He's not here at the moment but if you'd like to leave a message...
MAN: Melanie.
It's Peter De Courcy.
Sorry?
Your doctor.
Peter! Hi.
Don't you answer your phone anymore? I've been chasing you for days.
I'm selling the apartment and I'm...
- Selling your mobile as well. - Sorry?
I've been leaving messages for you since last week.
I had to get this number from Nat.
Oh. Yes, well, that's what Nat's like.
She'd track you down in the desert.
You need to see me, Mel.
Sorry?
You need to make an appointment.
It's not something to discuss on the phone.
It needs to be face to face.
So I'll put you through to the reception
and you can make a time with them.
OK? Just a tick. I'll put you on hold.
[ music plays ]
[ door opens ]
Phew.
[ pants ]
That is the way to start the day, huh?
Morning run.
A bit of breathing. Exercise.
You should try it, Mel.
I have many things going on in my life, Sean.
I'm not yet down to exercise.
- Are you OK? - Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?
The economy's in freefall, I've had to sell my apartment,
I'm squatting with you!
All I need now is religion!
So...
...you're home early.
Yeah.
I don't have lectures today.
Yeah, well...
...it's not all you do, is it?
Meaning?
Krystal.
Where did that come from?
You want to talk about this, Dad? We'll take about it.
But somehow, I don't think you do.
You would have broken your mother's heart.
I'll cook you some dinner.
You know, I... [ clears throat ]
... if I could pay for your uni course, I would.
[ laughter, lively chatter ]
Congratulations.
- You said we'd lose the account. - I never said that.
What I said is they wouldn't do television.
Ah! You were wrong about that as well!
Nice call - again.
Tess!
Shouldn't you guys be drinking beer?
We're taking the clients out on the town.
You should come.
I've got something on.
Lucky guy.
Er, come on. We'll be late. Let's go.
- Let's go, guys. - Go on.
Come back in one piece.
Congratulations.
The whole campaign - media, everything.
Even that ridiculously expensive launch at 232.
Come on. It was a fair price.
Oh, are you telling me they make that in a night? Bullshit!
Having never been to a prostitute, I'm sure I have no idea.
I didn't have time to wrap it.
Oh, my God.
- Did the client pay for this? - No.
I'm sorry.
I'll make it up to you. I promise.
Cassie bought those tickets ages ago.
Opening night. You know how it is.
You got me to buy the tickets, Daniel.
Don't you remember?
Did I?
Oh, shit.
- Why didn't you say something? - What?
You can't go to the theatre with your wife
'cause it clashes with my birthday?
So, you're going out on a date?
You betcha.
- Anyone I know? - Probably not.
Have a good time.
[ house music plays ]
Aw. Drinking on your own?
And on your birthday too!
Haven't you anything better to do?
Why didn't you tell Daniel when you booked the tickets?
Because he should have known.
Well, that really worked.
Shouldn't you see someone about talking to yourself?
Shouldn't you get a life?
MAN: Can I buy you a drink?
Why not?
I'm Ben.
I don't need to know your name.
It's a complication at the least of things.
Like what?
Addresses, phone numbers, obligations.
You don't like obligation?
They're a pain in the arse.
So, what do you do?
Ah, a bit of this and a lot of that.
- What's your name? - You don't need to know that either.
I'm buying you a drink. You can at least be friendly.
- Oh, friendly? - Yeah.
Is that what you want?
I'll give you friendly.
Oh! Tess! You're out late!
I know.
- What are you drinking? Champagne? - Why not?
Ah!
I hear you're taking us over.
Oh, one night only.
In the morning, you won't remember.
BOTH: Cheers.
So, how's the big bad world of advertising?
Not so big.
And still very bad.
Mmm.
How about you? Do you like what you do, Lauren?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Why?
The first thing I say when I'm asked that question -
and I'm asked that question a lot -
is the money.
- It does pay very, very well. - Money's important.
Mmm. And the work.
That's pretty enjoyable. Most of the time.
Why? Are you after a job?
No.
Well, not until Nat offered me one this morning.
You don't think I've got what it takes?
You've got a vagina and a tax file number. You've got what it takes.
Emotionally.
Oh, God, I don't know. I was the greenest recruit in the building.
Alright.
You've got to like sex - lots of sex.
And you've got to have the ability to avoid entanglements.
I hate entanglements.
And you've not to take it on for the wrong reasons.
Like what?
Like if you've had a fight with your boyfriend.
I don't have a boyfriend.
- Been out on your own? - Yep.
So, once you've done this, is sex ever the same again?
- What? Relationship sex? - Yeah.
It's exactly the same.
Fraught. Tortured. Misunderstood.
[ laughs ] Not enough. Too much.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
What's this? This isn't the cover!
Where's Tess?
She phoned in sick.
Take this back to the art department.
Tell them to read my notes.
Tess! What are you doing?
Contemplating my future.
Is this about last night?
I had a very lovely birthday, thank you.
And thank you for the gift.
Tess, I need you. I need you here!
Nobody's got a fucking clue!
Well, you can't always get what you want.
- Do you know what I want, Daniel? - What?
I've been asking that myself.
I'm drowning, Tess. I need you.
Sorry. I've got to go.
- Tess! - Wish me luck.
So... where do we start?
Are you in a relationship, Tess?
No.
Have you had many sexual partners?
The usual.
Er, 30, 40? Who bothers to count?
- It's not the same with a stranger. - Yes and no.
I like sex. I always have. I find it easy.
It's the relationship bit that I find a challenge.
This wouldn't be some kind of avoidance, would it?
Mmm. I guess I'm about to find out!
If you've just broken up with your boyfriend...
No.
No boyfriend, no break-up.
So, what's your problem?
- You need a problem to work here? - Mmm. It helps.
It's just that we don't usually get your kind of applicant.
Right. You'll need to fill out one of these.
And you need to be checked by a doctor.
We'll buddy you up with someone
and you'll start with two weeks probation.
Oh. One other thing.
You'll need to do a road-test with one of our workers.
You do mean a male worker.
That's up to you.
- Is there payment involved? - You can tip him if you like.
Mmm! Or maybe he'll tip me.
[ purrs ]
Hmm.
Hello, sister.
- What are you doing? - Watching you sleep.
Well, don't.
Are you worried about something?
I wasn't.
Until now.
Why won't you call your doctor?
What?
He's been phoning Nat. Now he's phoning me.
He has no right to do that.
I'll report him to the AMA.
He wants you to make an appointment, Mel. Is that too much to ask?
- Yeah, it is actually. - Because?
'Cause...
...because he knows something.
And I don't.
Well, I made an appointment for you. It's this afternoon.
- I'm busy. - No, you're not. I checked your book.
Come on. Up you get. Get your face on.
You've got 15 minutes.
Watch it, Seana.
So, how have we been?
We've been fine.
No more painful intercourse?
All intercourse is painful, Peter.
Even conversing with you.
These are the tests we did last year when your hormones were playing up
and these are the ones we did last week.
[ clears throat ] They paint an interesting picture.
We aim to please.
Are you thinking of having kids one day?
Can we stick to the hormones?
Because if you are, you'd better get on your bike.
Sorry?
Well, according to these - and I don't think I'm wrong...
...you're going into early menopause.
Here I was, worried about cancer.
It explains the symptoms you've been having -
the pain, the dryness, the flushes.
Now, it's unusual in someone of your age.
- But if you want to have children... - No.
I don't want to have children, Peter.
You've probably got six months.
Here's some literature you might like to read.
So, that's why you called me in?
Chased me down. Phoned my brother.
To tell me I'm about to go into early infertility.
You know, in my job, this is... this is... this is perfect.
So, things are going pretty well.
Yeah.
Nothing that a bucket of lube won't fix.
And a court of HRT.
Pay on the way out, shall I?
Mel...
And let's just get our relationship straight.
I have a headache, I call you.
Not the other way around.
Hi. What's the verdict? Good news or...?
Bad. Definitely bad.
I'm turning into our mother before my time,
which is, you know, punishment for being her issue.
What?
I'm going into premature menopause, Seana,
which affects approximately 1.8% of the population or something
according to that.
You know, we should go and buy a lottery ticket.
Oh, Mel...
I should have seen it coming. Apparently.
With my, er, cycle being all over the shop.
Here I was, thinking it was just an occupational hazard
or a lifelong aversion to food.
- No. It's genetic. - Jesus, Mel.
I'm not gonna let it fuck with my life. I'm not.
Isn't this the bit where you're supposed to say,
"We'll get through this together"?
Hey.
We are gonna get through this together, alright?
- Good. - It's you and me now.
Hey, can you do the hot and cold flushes bit?
It's not the end of the world, alright?
I know.
It's just the end of my professional life.
And all the rest is, as we know...
...oh, so very full.
Come here.
- Another one? - Didn't you like the last one?
- It was OK. - So, what's the problem?
- I was gonna hang out with Mel. - Because?
Did your dad audition the girls?
Yes.
- All of them? - Sometimes more than once.
Dirty bugger.
Think of it as a perk, Sean. Most men would.
Aren't you jealous?
No.
Why? What do you intend to do?
Oh, I don't know. Bang her senseless.
Guess I'll think of something, huh?
[ sultry music plays ]
[ music continues ]
- Tess? - Sean.
Yeah.
- You've come to take me for a spin? - [ chuckles ]
- Wine? - Great.
Well, this is, er, different.
For me, anyway.
You've never been on a blind date before?
I've never been that desperate.
[ chuckles ]
What about you?
Why does Tess want to become a hooker?
Because I'm over the dating scene and the singles scene
and other people's expectations.
You've obviously had boyfriends, though.
Depends on your definition.
Someone broke your heart.
Why does everyone keep saying that?
It's just... I'm sorry, but you don't look like a single woman.
Do you want to know my deep dark secret?
Yeah.
I've got issues...
...about love and sex
and I'm just trying to separate them for a while.
- Cheers to that. - To that.
[ giggles ] I had the best time!
[ laughs ]
We should've skipped dinner. I had too much wine.
So underneath the bridge or up against the wall?
You know what?
I think we deserve a decent hotel room,
seeing as someone else is paying, don't you?
Sure.
Unless you've had too much wine.
Are you giving me an out?
I think you know what to do.
You're a sweetheart.
[ laughs ] I can't believe I just did that!
What? What?
Knocked you back. Ya!
- Shit. Do I fail the test? - No.
No, I do.
So, what happened?
Nothing.
Oh, that's a first.
But you love having sex with strangers.
He wasn't a stranger. I was getting to know him.
Oh, so it's Daniel or no-one?
Or Daniel and everyone.
How does a smart girl like you get involved with a married man?
You had to be there.
[ knock at door ]
SEAN: Yes, yes. I'm coming. I'm coming.
I'm coming.
[ sighs ]
- How'd you go? - It's 6:30 in the morning.
How was she? Hot as she looks?
Yeah. Yeah, she was.
- Not still here, is she? - Why would I bring her back here?
Did you bang her senseless?
[ sighs ]
You really get off on this, don't you?
- No. - Yes, you do.
You enjoy it more than doing it yourself.
Don't be silly.
- You do. - I don't.
Do you wanna have sex?
No. I don't.
Why not?
'Cause you've been with another woman.
Which was your idea in the first place.
Doesn't matter. It's icky.
I don't do icky.
[ groans ]
No medication?
No. Not yet.
115 over 95. That's very good.
- Ah, healthy diet, healthy mind. - WOMAN: [on phone] Deedub Media.
M-Margot?
- Tess, is that you? - [ coughs ]
What are you doing at reception?
I'm going out for some coffee. Will I get you one?
Oh, no. No. I'm not coming in. I'm still sick.
Yeah, I can tell. You sound awful.
I think I'm gonna be gone for the week. Tell Danny I'm sorry.
Daniel is OK. He's off playing golf with the bank.
- You look after yourself. - Ah, bye. [ coughs ]
Two weeks trial.
One. I'm not that sick.
Where's Lauren?
Er, with a client. Why?
I don't know. Some last-minute advice or something.
It's the luckiest night of his life.
What?
The longer they wait, the quicker they...
- I have done it before, you know. - Oh, well, what's the problem?
I don't know. Starting on a slippery slope.
- Lean forward. Keep the knees bent. - [ giggles ]
Watch out for protruding objects.
Or any extra-large humps.
Donate 10% to the Salvos.
- Lie back and think of Obama. - Ooh! OK, alright.
I'm going.
- Good luck. - Break a leg.
Hello. I'm Tess.
Hey.
Charlie.
What kind of a day have you had, Charlie?
Pretty full-on, actually.
Let's see if we can't fix that.
- Champagne, Bernard? - No. No, thank you.
Oh, come on. Help you relax.
No, really, I am relaxed. This is fine. This is good.
It's just the day that has been a bit...
- [ pop! ] - Oooh!
Not just any old rubbish, you know.
It's French - only way to fly.
Each tiny little bubble appearing from nowhere.
Chasing your troubles away.
My wife is an alcoholic.
Prescription drugs as well.
She started out on antidepresants, which she calls 'happy pills'.
She gets help with the house, help with the garden
and tutors for the kids.
She says I am a workaholic so I should understand.
I work hard to keep things on track -
to pay for the renovations, the holidays and the private schools.
Once in a while it would be nice to get home at night
and find something on the table that wasn't boiled in a bag.
I have talked to her friends.
I've talked to the doctors. I have tried to get advice.
But sometimes it is just easier to come here.
- If you change your mind... - I won't.
So!
Now we've got that out of the way,
what do we do for love, huh?
Aaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh!
- When were you gonna tell me? - What?
- Or is this your little joke? - Maybe if I go out and come back in.
She's a screamer, Sean, and you never said.
I said she was pretty good.
When she comes, she screams at the top of her lungs.
No shit!
You never did it, did you?
It's a long story.
Would you like to tell me why?
Well, she seemed like she knew what to do.
- That's it? - Pretty much.
- You are paying for that restaurant. - No, that cost me a booking.
It cost me a round of drinks for everyone on the premises.
Get out!
I'm sorry.
- Get out. - I'm sorry.
[ laughs ]
The music was up, the door was closed.
- You never thought to mention it? - I never thought it was a problem.
[ both laugh ]
You should've seen the look on Nat's face.
Oh, I can imagine!
- She thinks I'm a bloody amateur. - Mmm.
We all were when we started.
[ sighs ] Anyway...
Thanks for being so nice.
Did she sack you? Nat? Did she ask you to leave?
Well, what else am I supposed to do?
Acknowledge your problem. Fix it.
How?
Look, I've got this acupuncturist...
He's a miracle worker. He cured my tennis elbow.
Maybe he can do something for you.
Just a little prick. I'm sure you're used to that.
[ laughs ]
Oooh. It's cold in here.
You turn the heating down?
It's unhealthy and expensive.
Are you running a temperature?
No. I'm trying to run a business.
Hmm. [ laughs ]
Excuse me. It's private. Hands off.
- Is this your client list? - Might be.
You oughtta leave your twat to science.
[ laughs ]
Do they know you keep a dossier on them?
It's hardly M15.
But still, it'd cause some sleepless nights.
You're not gonna blackmail them, are you?
- Now, there's an idea. - Mmm.
So you don't keep track of your clients?
Not in this detail. No.
Well, maybe you should. You never know when it might come in handy.
What are you up to?
I am doing the best with what I've got left.
- Thought you had study to do. - Nat said I was needed.
Wouldn't want to be resting. That's be far too sensible.
Well?
Oh, it works like a dream! Thank you. Mwah!
- What does? - My lucky charm.
Acupuncture - suppresses the need to...
- Express yourself. - Mmm.
That can't be right. the stud in the ear?
An expert on Chinese medicine, are we?
No, but I know about the 12 meridians.
- And there's nothing in the ear. - Well, it works for me.
Come on, girlies. Move it along. Action to be had in the bar.
Tess, room three.
Oh, thank you.
What?
Maybe it's all in your head.
Hello, Charlie.
Oh, I didn't scare you away.
- Oh, hi. - Oh! Oh, how sweet!
But we won't need these. I'm cured.
I think you're my first regular.
Really?
Oh, relax. We've got an hour.
Here. Let me rub your temples.
[ groans ]
Have you ever been in love, Charlie?
Er, once.
Me too.
It's such a bummer.
Tess...
[ both groan, pant ]
Hi. I'm looking for Mr Volkering.
Mr Volkering. Marty.
You called me some time ago.
- I believe you got my number from 232. - Mmm.
I think there was some confusion about what it was that you wanted
or how much you were prepared to pay.
No, there wasn't.
You know exactly what I wanted and I agreed to your fee.
I think I might've double-booked or something.
I can't really remember.
I can.
You said $5,000 because you thought I wouldn't agree.
Marty...
I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry.
No, please. Please. Don't... I'm glad you came.
But what with the state the world is in,
I can't pay you anything like that now.
How much... can you pay?
I'll tell you what, Melanie. [ sniffs ]
Let me see how much I like you
and I will pay you what I think you are worth.
Oh, glad that's over.
Mmm.
Oh, yeah.
I brought you a gift...
...for, um, looking after me last week.
Go on. Open it.
About the grey wolves of British Columbia.
We're studying them and I love that book.
- Maybe you need it. - Oh, no. It's just photos.
There's not much science in there.
Amy, it's beautiful.
[ laughs ]
How we should be, don't you think?
Wild and wily and free.
Thank you.
I threaten you, don't I?
I mean, I'm younger. I suppose it's natural.
But you've got so much more to give them -
wisdom and life experience.
All I can sell them is sex.
Maybe that's all that they want.
Yeah. Maybe you're right.
See ya.
Oh!
- Good... goodnight. - Nighty night.
Let us talk about your bar tab.
Oh, must we?
Ignoring knock-off drinks, which, of course, are free, you owe...
...$523.
- No way! - Mmm!
Nat, I'm doing you a favour here. I could be out escorting.
I'm paying above the odds.
Reign it in, will you? It's not a pretty look.
Shove it up your clacker!
[ sobs ]
Didn't we have a slogan for this like a week ago?
I'm sorry. I can't find the notes.
- Where the hell is Tess? - She's still sick.
Get her on the phone. This is hopeless.
TESS: Morning.
Tess, thank God!
- How are you? - Me? Fine.
- You sounded aweful on the phone. - No. Fit as a fiddle.
Alright. Give her the notes.
Um, Tess, this is a complete and utter shambles.
Oh, I haven't come in for work. I've come to resign.
- What? - As your PA.
And your mistress.
Oh, and I thought I better give you this.
It's beginning to feel like your hands around my throat.
Could you give us a minute, please?
Now?
I suppose you felt you needed to do that?
I suppose I did.
Well, as long as you're feeling better.
I'm being who I am for once
and I've got a new job at 232.
- I thought you'd react like that. - What?
What? This is to get back at me?
I'm not blaming you, Daniel.
Not for a moment.
You never made any promises. I conjured those up myself.
But somehow it became all about the sex.
I deserve more.
And this is your solution?
You said so yourself.
- I'm a bad, bad girl. - Yeah.
You know, I really liked working here.
Give 'em hell!
I'll take it from here, thank you.
Excuse me. Don't I know you?
No. No. That was someone else.
But I can tell you where to find her.
Captioned by Grantman Brown